One more messed-up painting.

That day, I was just sitting in my bedroom.Thinking about what next task to be done in this lock-down period. And suddenly one blank paper come across me. I took it in my hand. I rolled my fingers over it.A really good texture paper. It was bright. It was a good dimensions big paper with all the best qualities.The same paper I have seen once before few days and wished if I can get the same so I can create a beautiful painting for my vacant wall in the hall. Today, looking at the same paper in my hand I was very happy.I smiled at it.And asked it,

" Now whats next? You are really very good. But I am not that good artist."

The paper looked at me. smiled and expressed its desire,

"Ohhh! But I want you to add colors of your expressions on me. I liked you as an artist...as a friend...I want you to enter in my life and have good time.Let's come together...I am sure we can together create beautiful memories. We both can share the moments which will be precious for both of us."

I was already impressed by it from long before, so couldn't stop myself from going ahead. Although, I came to know that this painting cannot decorate my house. Still I was very happy to get it. I hugged it and took it in my room. At first, I drew one perfect circle in the middle of it. i was planning to work only in that circular area.But somehow my paper was not happy to knew this idea. For a moment, it stopped me,

"Rupali, what are you doing? why this boundary? I want you to get completely involved in me as I am devoted to you now. Today, I am here only for you. I am yours...believe me ,completely yours. "

"Are you sure? completely?"

I asked this question focusing on the word 'completely'.And on that it clarified one thing,

"Yes, I agree that even I have some limits. we can't go beyond that.But still I can assure you that we will have a very good time together.We will spend time with each other. I will agree to your that circular boundary also. Will not try to convince you to go beyond that.I respect your feelings. so, Let't enjoy the present. I am sure you will feel good. I want to see you happy."

And with this, our journey started together. Both of us were very comfortable with each other. One quiet communication started in between us. As I am very moody, everyday some different emotion was playing its role on that blank space. sometimes freshness of green started our day in early mornings, sometimes Reddish shades showed any anger whenever present, yellow smiles all over the body and sometimes the calm bluish violet shades in the night but the white color of purity was always there...so many colors started flowing one after another. Days passed by and our relation got stronger. Whatever I used to feel , I used to express through my strokes.With every stroke that painting started giving me positive response. Yes, now slowly that blank paper started it's journey towards a beautiful painting. I was also so much involved in that painting. There were so many works from office as well as household chores I needed to manage, but  I was always thinking about the incomplete painting I had. One day I realized now the painting is complete.We should stop experimenting more. but the painting was not at all happy to know it.It wanted something more.It was trying to convince me to go beyond your limits in order to complete. But I took it in other way and I started overworking in that completed circle again. And what happened? the newly drawn stroke just messed up my whole painting. It created one wrong mark and the beauty suddenly deteriorated.I felt very bad. But don't know what to do? Now my painting again started looking like incomplete.Something more was needed now. But what?

The painting was witnessing the whole process and it gave me suggestion,

" Why don't you utilize the remaining space to complete our painting. there is lots of space around that circle where if you wish you can enter and make the painting more beautiful. You can add new colors, new shades, new ideas...all these will surely change the view. I knew you had that imaginary boundary line in between. But  just try to cross that and go ahead. You will not regret."

That time I realized it is very difficult to explain. So I said,

" OK, as per your wish, if I cross that boundary and entered in the white space. what is the the guarantee that the painting will not mess up again in future. That time it will be more painful as I would have been utilizing more time and resources behind it. And there are my own rules which are stopping myself. And if I get involved completely and started listening my heart more than brain then it might happen that even your boundaries can't stop myself from entering...afterall flow of colors and emotions are free to move. I want this painting to be remain as it is in between us as a beautiful memory of sharing."

On this, it was speechless. May be don't know the answer or got angry. He just get away from where we were.Now I am sure that I have messed up the painting almost completely. And that painting is not even allowing me to go ahead.It stopped giving any response to my expressions. After few unsuccessful attempts, even I am loosing confidence now. I miss that beautiful relation among us ,the healthy communication , the love and care we both had for each other. But I think that painting lost interest or don't have any hopes from my art.What I could do? Shall I forget it forever? No Never...It can't happen. Because whatever I achieved, I learnt is a treasure. So shall I cross the boundaries? No it will mess up the painting more. So what I can do?

I kept on thinking without any output. Tried to get brand new good papers from cupboard and started working over that...but don't know why I couldn't concentrate on anything else. Even when same colors and shades are used ,the same communication, emotions were not possible this time. I also tried to open the similar old messed up paintings but no use. They all have no future even if I try my best. 

Don't know, if that messed up painting will come across again in my life and continue with the same friendship we had developed so far and help me in completing our painting. At least the same response, the same care and love....Nothing more and nothing less. It is always true that anything including a painting can get messed up when its overworked or is remained incomplete. But sometimes, truly speaking it feels like it was just a beautiful dream which broke after the night. I can't believe on my art that such a great paper can come across myself and ask me to own it. Even if its not a reality, I loved that dream and wish to be always live in that dream  forever with the same old beautiful colors and a healthy communication. Even if that painting will be not with me I will always try to enhance its beauty in my imaginations in my own world of dreams. Because each painting is so special for its creator. It teaches and gives a new experience in the life to deal with new challenges coming towards in near future. 
But still one question remains unanswered...Why every time the painting gets messed up like this?

-Rupali Thombare.